OK, so usually I wouldn’t put such a melancholy post online but I think I will. I can’t seem to pull myself up and out right now. My “homework” this week from my doctor (Anne, the best & coolest dr ever) is to think of as many things as possible that I love to do, that I’m passionate about BUT the list has to be at least 10. I really can’t do it. I can’t think of even a few things I’m passionate about right now. I feel lost. Chronic pain is so insidious and changes your life if ways you couldn’t have even imagined. I wish I knew how to rebuild myself. I wish I had enough left in me to want to.
So, where does it all go from here? I wish I knew. All I see is a black abyss and continual ongoing pain without end. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. I can see why. I can also see why hope is in *the* list along with faith and love because it’s a lot more important than we realize. Problem is, we often don’t realize it until it isn’t there anymore.
So me, the former eternal optimist, has lost hope. What happens next?