A Very Different Set of Resolutions

As 2010 comes to a close, and 2011 dawns, I find myself as I do every year contemplating resolutions that I’d like to make for this new year.  But this year, my resolutions are quite different than in years past. This year, the overall goal is peace. Seeking that peace, searching for it and finding a balance in it is my overall goal. But to achieve this, I have some specific things that I want to aim for as I endeavor to make this peace a reality in my life.

I want to “be” more and “do” less. I want to accept more and judge less.  I want to love more and strive less.  I want to communicate more and assume less.  I want to be content with simplicity, and be satisfied with less.  I want to be able to express myself in ways that make me understood.  I want to let go of perfectionism and allow what is to be enough. I want to turn my thinking and the unhealthy thought patterns that have been ingrained for years upside down and accept and explore the person that I am. I want to give myself permission to be authentic with everyone, regardless of the outcome. I want to learn to be gentle with myself, kind to myself, and as understanding with myself as I try to be with those that I love.  I’ve missed something important throughout my life and it’s a very simple but difficult concept to actually put into practice on a day-to-day basis.  There’s so much in the statement, “love your neighbor as yourself”. First of all, I need to put that in 21st-century context. To me, that means I should love my family (itentional or origin), my friends, my community, those people I share my life with as I love myself. But the truth is, I’ve spent the greater portion of my life disliking and at times hating myself so that has to hamper my ability to love those around me if I can’t love myself. I’d like to make peace with myself this year. So that’s why, in this strange way, my New Year’s resolutions are as much about “doing” less and “being” more.  Maybe, if I can learn to treat myself differently, to treat myself gently, I can come to understand what it means, and find the value in myself “human being”, rather than a “human doing”.