Poem #55

So full of despair
How I wish I could care

As this emptiness grows
And Apathy takes hold

I’m no more than a shell
With a face that won’t tell

The void that’s inside
I continue to hide

Now cracks start to appear
In this paper veneer

Though still so few can see
how little remains left of me

Some cracks form on their own
Others, my fault alone

I search and I look
in hearts, minds and books

for some reason to “be”
I must find the key!

thrown ’round, waves, they roll
now engulfing my soul

I don’t wonder “why me”
but I’m slipping, you see

away and afar
climbing back? no, too hard

for I still do not see
any reason for me

as this path, now it ends
no, it not just a bend

not a turn, or a twist
but the final end’s risk

am i ready to take
this trip I must make?
this journey i now face

I just don’t know how to leave them,
friends, family and Steven
how to leave those i love

but as clarity shines through
I can see what is true

the huge burden I’ve become
upon everyone I love

and what kind of a wife
would take away their Love’s life?

It seems kindest to go
let them heal on their own

this would give them a path
to find their way back

from the hell that I made
when so ill I became

I’m exhausted and spent
Nothing left, I’m just limp

I’ve no strength left to try
or to be kind and to die

I can’t live this way
Wondering each and every day

if this will be the one
where I walk into the sun

leaving present, future and past
for an ending, at last

in a place I believe
that I’ll find Grace and Peace

March 7, 2012 (c) Rachel Phillips