Pain 2

Pain.
My insidious, constant companion.
I didn’t invite you to become an intrinsic part of my being
constantly invading every moment in my experience
of this journey of life.
You’ve taken my waking moments, my sleep
you’ve taken the precious intimacy with my husband
and replaced the personality I used to be with a zombie-like ghost,
vacant of emotion, of spirit, of la joie de vivre.
Unable to live this life because of the apathy you forced upon me
when you broke my soul.

Pain, you’re endless.
And you’ve made a home in my body
although I’ve fought your every advance.
Like a stalker, you never give up,
you prey upon any moment of my weakness.
Until, now.
And I all I have is apathy, weakness, a desire to quit.
Yes, because a part of me won’t let go of this fight
and the cost has become irrelevant,
as I’ve already given you all I have as you blackmail me and hold me hostage.
But I don’t care anymore.  I want to be free of you,
whatever the cost, no matter the consequence.
I can live with you no longer.
We must go our separate ways, or perish together.

Rachel Phillips (c) 2012